Monday, May 9

fire to fire

It was not a good day. Not pleasant.

Night after night of under 5hrs sleep (a respite every third day is welcome), husband working full days (so spending little time with her and therefore me 24hr mothering), stressful work on the house (because some people are built to hear but not to listen), a day of her clinging and sticking and smothering...

Exhaustion.

Nausea, eyes doing funny things like closing while I'm standing, bowels knotted up.

Her determination and contrariness heightened. So I raise my voice and she raises her voice. Frowns are exchanged. The fire element in us both meet head to head. Sparks.


But throughout it never gets ugly. Nothing hurtful is said. No screaming. And I tell her, mama is not well today and not happy but I'm happy with you and I love you.

I love you too mami.

Kisses thrown about in-between the skirmishes.

Cuddles on the sofa. A moment where she seems to have intuited I absolutely needed quiet. Arms about each other we know a good shout is helpful and means nothing. We are of Latin blood after all.

We rest.

Calmed, refreshed, we go outside to greet a sudden sun.

12 comments:

  1. 'Arms about each other we know a good shout is helpful and means nothing.'

    perfect acceptance..lovely.

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  2. So beautifully written. It sounds a bit like my life :). I hope you get some sleep soon. xxx.

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  3. ah yes -- i know these exchanges well -- always with love and i need to remember that they are indeed helpful....

    hope you get some rest soon....xo

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  5. Comment wonkiness. Sorry...

    Exactly. We do the same - try to love and care and tread gently even when we are not feeling the best. We love each other dearly, after all. Hugs to you - hope you feel better and get some sleep!

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  6. You put it so beautifully. You noticed the irritation and were "at peace" with it, "in the moment." I send you loving energy and best wishes for a good night's sleep!

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  7. thanks everyone. nice to be heard as it was intended.

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  8. So beautiful, how you see each other, even through the gray times. Sending sleep wishes your way
    xx oo

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  9. SwedishJenn10 May, 2011

    Oh Mon. Prayers/good karma coming your way. So glad you were able to clear the air. Hoping sleep finds you soon xo

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  10. Sending good vibes your way. I hope you all are more relaxed and feeling happy today!

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  11. Oh, hard days to be sure.

    And a chance to see that Mamma is human, and some days she just doesn't have it to give in the ways that she wants to. And look at this beautiful, peaceful ending to that.

    I wish you rest and peace.

    Thank you for sharing this story and giving us the lesson.

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  12. Aw. I'm the one with the fire in our family. M never gets angry at me. Sometimes I think that is good, but other times I feel bad that I'm the one always getting angry. But like with you, nothing hurtful is ever said. I just express how I'm feeling, and we cuddle after.

    Sorry you are so exhausted!

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