our uniquely feminine chemistry and soul is what makes us women beautifully complex creatures. we can get to the heart of the matter, feel for every child on earth, sense pain, flow with nature's rhythms, all in a way that is instinctual and natural.
this depth and complexity and wonderful messiness, has of course the potential to go awry.
for many years i gravitated towards boys as friends. although my closest friend was always female. i have a masculine energy - firey, intellectual, non-girly. amongst the soft heart and empathy and intuition. so some of my choices have been based on my character. but, some choices have been based on the wounds inflicted by women.
our deepest wound. the one most difficult and often impossible to heal completely, is the mother wound. unhealthy relationships with our mothers set the stage for future female relationships.
i'm not one to close off to people or experiences because of the past. but even i was affected by a handful of betrayals by women. of course, years later i saw how it was i who gravitated towards the most wounded ones.
i would reject the feminine in small ways. at university i would do badly at women studies or roll my eyes at female literature. words like sisterhood, or woman's group, would cause an inner discomfort. which of course in my self-protective arrogance i would justify my distaste, and dismiss those things as what other women needed.
a true friend
embracing our differences
embracing our differences
but when i immersed myself in the matriarchal line of my heritage, i learnt the strength and wonder of what it is to be woman. motherhood triggered my last push towards the beauty of the Feminine. last year i read some female-centric books with online friends. something i would have recoiled or at least dismissed not so long before.
and here's what i have discovered.
that if we have deep, untended wounds, if we have unhealed female relationships, we cannot embrace the Feminine. we cannot embrace it fully in ourselves. and we cannot embrace all women as sisters.
instead, we judge harshly, we withold due credit, we mark off women as inferior, we base worth on simple choices (hitting hardest at our most vulnerable Feminine - mothering). we are jealous, suspicious, distrustful, defensive, and competitive. we are also harsh on ourselves with our feminine roles of wife and mother. and we struggle with female friendships.
we divide and divide. making lines in the sand between breastfeeders and non-breastfeeders, between schoolers and homeschoolers, between working mothers and sahms, between the super crafty and the intellectuals, between the slim and the overweight, between the pretty and not so pretty, between the grungy and the coiffed. on and on and on. wounds begetting wounds.
i have come to believe that we must heal ourselves, men included, before we can truly give. for many of us want to give, but we define that into tight safe places.
and i've come to believe something BIG.
that as women are natural healers and lifegivers, it's women healing themselves, that will eventually be the catalyst to heal the whole human condition.