Monday, September 6


even the most uncomplicated of us is considered complex by men's standards. all those messy emotions scattering about, and illogical things like intuition and empathy. not to mention all that hormonal activity!

our uniquely feminine chemistry and soul is what makes us women beautifully complex creatures. we can get to the heart of the matter, feel for every child on earth, sense pain, flow with nature's rhythms, all in a way that is instinctual and natural.

this depth and complexity and wonderful messiness, has of course the potential to go awry.

for many years i gravitated towards boys as friends. although my closest friend was always female. i have a masculine energy - firey, intellectual, non-girly. amongst the soft heart and empathy and intuition. so some of my choices have been based on my character. but, some choices have been based on the wounds inflicted by women.

our deepest wound. the one most difficult and often impossible to heal completely, is the mother wound. unhealthy relationships with our mothers set the stage for future female relationships.

i'm not one to close off to people or experiences because of the past. but even i was affected by a handful of betrayals by women. of course, years later i saw how it was i who gravitated towards the most wounded ones.

i would reject the feminine in small ways. at university i would do badly at women studies or roll my eyes at female literature. words like sisterhood, or woman's group, would cause an inner discomfort. which of course in my self-protective arrogance i would justify my distaste, and dismiss those things as what other women needed.

a true friend
embracing our differences

but when i immersed myself in the matriarchal line of my heritage, i learnt the strength and wonder of what it is to be woman. motherhood triggered my last push towards the beauty of the Feminine. last year i read some female-centric books with online friends. something i would have recoiled or at least dismissed not so long before.

and here's what i have discovered.
that if we have deep, untended wounds, if we have unhealed female relationships, we cannot embrace the Feminine. we cannot embrace it fully in ourselves. and we cannot embrace all women as sisters.

instead, we judge harshly, we withold due credit, we mark off women as inferior, we base worth on simple choices (hitting hardest at our most vulnerable Feminine - mothering). we are jealous, suspicious, distrustful, defensive, and competitive. we are also harsh on ourselves with our feminine roles of wife and mother. and we struggle with female friendships.

we divide and divide. making lines in the sand between breastfeeders and non-breastfeeders, between schoolers and homeschoolers, between working mothers and sahms, between the super crafty and the intellectuals, between the slim and the overweight, between the pretty and not so pretty, between the grungy and the coiffed. on and on and on. wounds begetting wounds.

i have come to believe that we must heal ourselves, men included, before we can truly give. for many of us want to give, but we define that into tight safe places.

and i've come to believe something BIG.

that as women are natural healers and lifegivers, it's women healing themselves, that will eventually be the catalyst to heal the whole human condition.


  1. This is just soooo deep and so eye-opening on so many levels that I have to read it over and over again to let the wonderful message sink in. And I could not have captioned the photo of us more perfectly. I love you because you bring something so different to my life. I cherish you because of everything you stand for, even if I can only sit and watch and marvel. xoxo

  2. Whoa Mon, this is huge! I need to mull this post over a bit more before I give it a bit more, but I can so see where you're coming from. And you'll have a laugh when I finally get around to showing some of the journal pages I started before my summer break!

  3. so beautifully, beautifully said. Such a simple, powerful truth. And the picture is perfect - such warmth, love, trust and generosity coming from both of you. Love this Mon. Sigh.

  4. You made so many powerful observations and conclusions in this amazing post, mon. I agree with you that women need to cross that bridge and face those wounds head on and try to heal. I will read this post again very soon because I know that I must reflect on it some more for my own healing. Thank you my friend.

  5. WOOT! (virtual high-five comin' at ya)

    yes, yes and YES!!

    brilliant post Dear One...simply effing marvelous!!


  6. Mon, this is such a powerful post, and so profoundly true. I, too, once had a difficult time embracing gentleness, softness, femininity, the way it's different from masculinity, sisterhood, all of this. I think I was afraid, as so many of us are when it comes to something that hits home and we don't want to admit it. For me, it had to do with putting up barriers and being afraid to trust people, and this is all about being closed off, as opposed to being open and soft.

    I love that you write about the need to embrace women as sisters, as other spirits with whom to connect. How true! I have always wanted this, as I'm sure many women have, so it is time to stop the judging, as you say, to begin the path towards something beautiful and life-changing.


  7. Ah, I know just what you are talking about here, but I cannot even begin to write a response because these thoughts point to a very complex part of me, so perplexing to myself.

    Hm, but yes, I had always gravitated to wounded ones as well. And I agree, self-healing is key.

  8. This is such a great post, Mon. I have only recently reconnected with my femininity and also linked it back to a way of rejecting my mother. I am also experiencing it, like you possibly, as a way of connecting with my creative talents, spiritual intuition, and a way to bond with my daughters - who I want to grow up void of the wounds that I have had to heal.

  9. I felt for every word. I can't express me feelings about how my mother and I have an unspoken barrier. She tries hard - sometimes too hard and I keep her at an arm's length, I find it hard to break the barrier. I should learn to connect better but I always find I am the one who backs off...

  10. Such a beautiful and empowering blog post! I am thrilled to have come here this morning!

  11. you women are beautiful!

  12. what a beautiful, beautiful post. i have been feeling many of your ideas as well...but i hadn't been able to wrap it up nearly as nicely! thank you!!

  13. oh my god...i wrote a paper in one of those women's studies class that said just this. i was practically ripped to shreds by the prof for it too! i tied in eating disorders too, so it must have been just too much.

    and...i think it's not such a bad thing to gravitate (at some point in time) to the wounded ones. we are essentially healing ourselves at the same time that we somehow help (or tolerate) another.

    anyway, i see your blog as that figurative hand reaching out to women.. with an appeal to honesty, forgiveness & strength.

  14. ripped to shreds? argh, university/college... can be so stifling.

    i agree. and having those wounded ones in my life was part of my soul work, my own healing.

  15. exactly, so wonderfully journey has been sooooooo like yours!! i see now this is partly why i was drawn to your blog when i was, we were/are in very similar journeys in terms of our relationship to the feminine and the understanding of how shifts there relate to the world...although my specific work is different, with the chakra/techie-energy stuff...but i see it as part of this shift exactly, both on the individual and communal excited now to see what you have brewin'...

  16. I can't even find the words to articulate what I want to say, but yes...wounded...self-healing - lots of work to be done. Thank you for this. <3

  17. I was just reading LauraX at Shine the Divine where she mentioned keeping our eyes open for teachers who appear right place and right time and then my eye caught sight of the spiral sisters button on her sidebar

    i have read Laura's blog for a couple of years now, and this is the first time I've seen the link - enough said!

    looking forward to discovering more . . .


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