The Winter Solstice is about the dark time yeilding to the light time.
Some of this is honoured in actual letting go. It's a time I use to, among other things, reflect back on the issues and experiences that have weighed me down, brought up anxiety, guilt, regret, or pain, and what no longer works, or has had its time.
It's about letting go, releasing, saying goodbye.
Some of the things I'll be letting go....
* Finally, my pain over our breastfeeding experience.
Despite it being over 17 months ago, I discovered a few weeks back that some pain was lingering deep down. I had wanted breastfeeding to work, desperately. It didn't happen for us, and it hurt deeply.
Time to release the feelings of inadequacy, guilt, doubt, regret. It is the past.
- I did what I could with what I knew and where I was at the time.
- my girl is the healthiest child I know.
- breastfeeding is just one aspect of a grander parenting journey.
- guilt and regret are eroding emotions.
I give them up.
* my old (theoretical) marriage
Too personal to write about here, but so many of us go through ups and downs, and even challenges that stretch love to breaking point.
- wounds have been healed, hearts opened, hopefully, new understandings reached.
- the past deserves to lie in peace.
- new Love needs fresh Light. We have to look forward.
I say goodbye to the old relationship.
* Mothering expectations
My mothering journey has included deep dives into my attitudes, emotions, philosophies, and my child's inherent Self. I feel honoured that so many of you have shared this journey with me here.
What I hadn't worked on consciously, but what creeps around the edges, is a need, or belief, to be something that is valued externally from me. That is, with so many forums, blogs, articles, books, labels, websites, about mothering naturally, us women allow ourselves to feel we aren't enough.
We say, I'm not as crafty, natural, playful, available, as other mothers. When all that matters is us and our child and our relationship, and what comes naturally to us. Another mother's choice and abilities has nothing to do with me.
Fortunately, I never fell for the lies, but I did let them wander around in the garden of my heart. Time for them to leave. They have no home here.
And on the other side of the Solstice, I start afresh. The Light brings with it, not so much newness like Spring, but renewed hope, clearer understandings, and a lighter load, that have grown out of the rich soil of the Dark.
May your own letting go be filled with peace, and the lightness fill your soul for the beautiful wonder of the next cycle.