Friday, October 23

Thankful Anyway Thursday.... on Friday

It's easy to be thankful for the good stuff, can you be thankful for the not so good?
(as serious or light-hearted as you like)
read more here



I thought I didn't have one this week, and then I remembered and realised I needed this...

A few weeks back I managed to carve out some writing time in the early mornings before the Wildflower woke up. A few nights I stayed up late too. At the time, this was essential. Our days were tough and that mental space helped me find serenity.

But this wasn't sustainable. As we go to bed together at 11pmish and she wakes 4-8 times a night, I'm exhausted. I'm grateful that she sleeps late so that I can sleep in late too. But the tiredness means that choosing to get up before her is a choice of giving up precious sleep. I get a max of 5hrs a night, never more than 2hrs at a stretch.

This last couple of weeks it hasn't even felt like a choice. My body just would Not. Get. Up.

And so that mental space, that time for me, that open breath where I could write... is not there. I had ideas and thoughts that wanted writing that were lost forever because I didn't have a chance to jot them down. And I have felt tearful this week.
I either sleep or I have space. I can make that choice against sleep, but when my body fights me, when I'm exhausted, I have to give it what it craves.

After all I wrote recently about those really tough weeks, she's been so much calmer this week. I believe the teething is on suspension for now. And I'm grateful for that as at least I'm not at breaking point. But, that space, that beautiful space of mine, where my mind exhales....




How can I be thankful for that loss?

I'm thankful anyway because...

... not having it means I'll cherish it even more when I do finally get it.
... it means that I'm prioritising tiny moments, being ruthless about which blogs I read, where I put my energies, leaving FB by the wayside.
... it forces me to declutter my desires, interests, and projects.
... it makes me insanely grateful for the chances to write that I do get however small, like blogging.
... and of course, that lack of space means I have a gorgeous child of my own.

This was tough to find the thankfulness.



I've seen new faces take on this Thankful Anyway challenge. But there's a slip back into the old thankful ways! The idea is to be thankful for the ACTUAL CRAP, to turn it around. So if your boss has been mean and unreasonable, being thankful for your loving husband is NOT the idea. Be thankful for the mean boss because he forces you to learn to stand up for yourself for example. C'mon, if I can do it, so can you.

If you've done your own Thankful Anyway, go ahead and add your link - directly to the post - to the linky below (not visible in feed reader). Grab the button up the top (right click & Save As) and a link back is always nice.



8 comments:

  1. Aren't we good at distracting ourselves though! I love the "turn around" focus of this... Thanks for starting it, and holding us to the real point.

    I like what you say about decluttering desires and interests & projects. I tend to think that if my physical environment is "just so" I'll feel more creative, at peace, energetic, but it's easy to overlook the time-suckers like FB.

    I've also started to carry a small notebook everywhere....for writing down anything - thoughts, lists, ideas. So simple (when I remember), and really helpful! This helps me with that recurring restless feeling of never getting to a place that is mine. I find it, instead, in small moments.

    I hope sleep improves for both of our little ones (and us) soon.

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  2. I don't know how you function on such little sleep...no wonder you found the last few weeks difficult and stressful.

    I enjoyed reading your previous post on de-cluttering and your ideas for organizing your little ones play/learning space.

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  3. I can completely relate to this one. For me, "writing in my head" was all I was able to achieve for a long time. And then I did the notebook thing, which also helped to keep me feeling tethered, although it never actually led anywhere.

    I can tell you from ten years' experience that you will get space. And you will lost it again. And get it again. It really does seem cyclic, even with an older child. And you will get really, really efficient with your writing!!

    The thing about it I always felt thankful for was that my lack of writing time proved I was being the sort of mother I wanted to be.

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  4. I can really relate to the lack of sleep. I got three hours sleep in row last night..Yay!! First time since she was born (14 months)!!!
    It really is all about prioritising for me these days... if I want to get any writing done, I just keep the internet off, the phone on silent and the interaction with the rest of my family to a minimum. Luckily they all understand and are supportive...they know my little one comes first and then when it need to, my writing comes second.
    Good to know you are out there Mon :)

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  5. Hey you... God I feel tired just reading this. HOW do you function? Kako? I will never know... Me - powerless & inferior, again! Urr, I may not be keeping up with things well enough on your blog (sorry - Winter is coming, there will be more time...) but what is FB that you are leaving by the wayside? Loving this evolving blog - looks different every time I visit!

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  6. I feel sad for you that you don't have much time for your writing...(as I feel sad for myself on this front also). But what you have said about decluttering desires and projects really struck a chord with me. I've been having to do this these past few months with the onset of homeschooling. And I'm not used to this - I usually have a million things on the go. It's hard to let go of even some of them. But it is also a decluttering, and I'm surprised by the clarity, and even a bit of calm that accompanies the process.

    But...as you say, it's tough to feel thankful. Time is tighter, but it is filled with loving acts of mothering.

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  7. Well, I really have to bow down to you finding thankfulness for this...but it is interesting, right now a little more time has opened up for me than I have had in years, and I find myself completely unsure what I want to work on! After spending years feeling as if all I needed was more time...

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  8. Lisa, could we swap problems? :D

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