I know, I've gone somewhat AWOL (unless you're on FB with me, and I'm still commenting out there). Things have been really tough here. However, I crossed a junction.
I've been at that crossroads for what feels like the longest time. Not because I didn't know which road to take, but rather because I needed to wait for Fate to complete her tasks. Not all is in our hands.
And so I crossed, and behind me I see pain, pain still occuring. I see broken pieces.
Le Guin once wrote, “To light a candle is to cast a shadow.”
Those words have many meanings for me. But one meaning that is relevant at the moment, is that sometimes making choices towards happiness creates sadness somewhere else. Either in ourselves, or in others. Sometimes we give up something precious, or the hope of it, for a better chance at happiness.
And that's what I've done. I feel for those in the shadows cast by the candle of my choice. But there is only one life, and if happiness is in our grasp, isn't it right that we reach for it?
And so I bask in the light. I feel like I can breathe again, as if I had been wearing a face mask guarding me from poison air. My heart is lighter. I can't say it's joy just yet, because while I won't be brought down by the shadows, I acknowledge they are there. I validate them.
It's difficult to experience joy at a tearing down, but we can see a break in the clouds. And that feels lighter.... better.