Saturday, April 18

Wildflower's mini party

We had a lovely day. Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes.

The weather cooperated and stayed mild and dry. So we were able to sit outside. Which afetrwards I realised just how helpful that was what with four toddlers running around like crazed chimps.

Food turned out well. The main stuff being; curried potato samosas, cheesy-oniony mini pastries, tuna pate, roasted veg cous cous, sweet corn 'bites', feta cheese filled roasted red peppers, and cornbread. I didn't make the cake - neither that brave, that talented, nor that energetic. And that picture topping is chocolate, not icing.

How great are our friends, who bought her only wooden toys, without me ever having said anything?

It was all slightly last-minute. I just wasn't that bothered, considering she was only one and the day's significance was lost on her. But I'm so glad we went ahead. The special day was duly noted with merriment, and she has photos and video to look back on.

She was born at 12:15pm, and I missed the moment because I was busy cooking. Then, while looking after her, guests, food, that toddlers weren't totally distroying our home.... for no apparent reason, I looked up at the time. It was around 7:15pm. My stomach knotted and breath escaped me. It was around this time a year ago that I first saw my baby. I took her into a quiet room, held her tightly, and wept. They hadn't let me see her for over 7 hrs. But here she was - healthy, happy, thriving, bonded.

So, what a year, ay?

Looking back on the year, I'm in total shock that it's been that long since I slept for longer than 2 consecutive hours! And so long since I slept for longer than 5 hrs in one night. It's amazing what the human body can do.

Everyone tells you how fast it goes. How you have to enjoy it while it lasts. But how many of us actually do this? I mean, at every moment? I've never experienced time move so fast. I've never had so much to do, so much to ponder. But for me, it was all about the Moment. About being present during each and every moment, both of difficulty and of bliss.

What makes all the difference to me, is that I can look back on the last year and feel content. I can look back and know that I gave 110% for my baby. Not in a martyr type of way, or a Super Mom way. Just in an total awareness of what I have type of way.

Being in the moment gave me the experience of...
Only ever losing my patience a couple of times (and doing nothing other than feeling impatient)
Cherishing every need for holding despite having a million things to do
Waking with a smile on my face despite the lack of sleep
Witnessing every single development
Feeling nothing but love during endless days of irritability
Creating a deep bond between us

On her day of birth, I thanked her for giving me the best gift - learning that mothering is not just about me as creatrix, not just about me doing and giving, All. The. Time. That it's also about me as a vessel. One that, if open, can take in all that this little soul has come to offer. She has taught me and allowed me to experience truer meanings of acceptance, patience, relationship, emotional release, and being present.

One of my spiritual philosophies is that we all come from the Great Dark Mother, which is the dark void of All and Nothingness. What I had never properly understood, was that a void not only produces, but it can also take back into itself. As mothers, I think we mostly forget that, or sacrifice it.

Thank you sunshine.


  1. What a wonderful, powerful post! Glad you all had a lovely day and, as you said, motherhood, if you let it, is the most wonderful gift of acceptance, presence, and relationships. And celebrating the day of birth honours that. Here's to another year of precious life lesson gifts.

  2. Wildflower looks adorable in her cute little dress. Pure sweetness! Enjoy the next year, and the year after that, and all that are to come. Each one is special and full of wonderful things. Life is always good with little ones around.

  3. Congrats to all! That could the Wildflower on the cake, all too cute.

  4. Happy Birthday Wildflower. Where does the time go? I can't believe the Monkey will also be one in a month and a bit. Your party sounds delightful, especially the party food, yum.

  5. Glorious post :-)

    My, what big eyes she has!!

  6. Oh happy Birth Day both to you and to your lovely Wildflower .. :-)

    I was very ill for much of Compostgirl's first year, with various strange antibiotic reaction generated auto immune nasty things.. :-(

    but even so, I DO remember the overwhelming feeling of just BEING...the aliveness of the GIVING life and having life given TO me... by virtue of having given birth to Compostgirl..

    I do understand what you mean and I look back now, after 7 years, and still remember how wonderful and shattering, in equal measure, it all was...

    Happy Birth Day to you both ( and I LOVE the picture!)

    love, Sarah x

  7. Thankyou everyone!

    Hey Trina, it's been a while. :)

  8. Gorgeous post Mon. Moving and joyous and completely grounded in everything that's meaningful and soulful about the experience of mothering. The essence of it.
    What a year you've had. What a beautiful child the Wildflower is. Those eyes - so full of intelligence are also full of confidence and knowing how loved she is.

    Hugs and congrats.

    Oh, and can I come over to yours for some of that food? YUM.

  9. comment worked!

  10. Hi Mon. Just wanted to thank you for the reflections. Patience is the one thing I am struggling with during these first few weeks of my baby's life -- I am so in love with her and so thankful for her, but it's hard to remember that at 3:30 a.m. when she's been crying for nearly two hours. It's good to hear someone's reflections at the one-year mark. Love your blog!

    DMK (compost and gratitude)

  11. I always leave your blog smiling:) great post!

  12. Sounds like a wonderful and busy celebration....happy first birth anniversary to you all! xx

  13. Beautiful post Mon. Just beautiful. Not just in content but in essence. In what you freely give and see reflected back from your little girl. In overcoming the usual difficulties and in opening yourself to that vast space that holds everything and nothing. And in being able to hold that (sometimes scary) place to your heart and mother from it. I am in awe. Blessings to you both.

  14. You are an amazing spirit (and vessel), Mon, and Wildflower such a blessed little being to be born to you. How equally blessed you are to accept all her gifts with such an open heart. I agree with Docwitch, there really is something in those photos: the confidence in how she holds herself, and those eyes!

    I was enthralled to read your reflections on the immense changes to self and life as you know it in the year passed. Most touching though, that moment of acknowledgement of the pain and wonder of that birth-day. Beautiful.xx

  15. aww. what a beautiful and thoughtful post. i'm glad it was a nice day for everyone. and i think i've said htis before about your daughter, but i;ll say it again, she's stunning!

  16. As I was driving in my car the other day I was thinking that having a child will likely (I hope) make ME want to be a better person. So your post on your girl being such a gift to you was very poignant to me. I truly believe that bringing a child into the world is an opportunity not only to teach our children but also to teach ourselves. For me personally, I have only had to essentially take care of my own needs for 37 years. I knew when I discovered I was pregnant that it was now my turn to give back and raise a child. I am grateful, nervous and excited. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts on your first year of motherhood!

  17. Oh, happy day for you and Wildflower and DIY Dad!

    I am inspired by your open-heartedness and willingness and ability to hold all. Thank you.

    Blessings for the journey ahead!



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