Friday, December 5

blue day

Ah darn it. I had a very blue day yesterday and still this morning. Despite my philosophical take on the sleepless nights, my body still wants it of course. I'm feeling the strain of it all. My body's chemistry is very messed up. I'm exhausted and feeling run down and tearing up for 'no reason'.

Add to this a recent event. A little scrap of a kitten that has been living downstairs in a storage room and frightened silly of people, adopted us. Over a couple of days, I had her taking food from my hands and eventually laying on her back purring contentedly from belly rubs. She ate as if she had never seen food before and I thought she might have worms. After a few days of our food scraps I realised that she just didn't trust that food would always be there. Eventually she trusted and she actually turned some down.

Then when DIY Dad came home, she got a belly rub and followed him back to the car. Fancy that. A cat that was terrified of people just a week ago was following him for more attention.

And she got run over by a passing car.

Somehow, with what appeared to be broken back legs, she ran to the only home she's ever known, our place. By the time I came out she had taken her last breath. It was just a day away from me taking a photo and blogging about her, our little Scraps. We're both huge softies when it comes to animals. I take these losses hard, despite accepting that's the cycle of life.

This of course brought up all the feelings of our beloved dog Mishko that we had to put to sleep just 3 months ago.

I know, sorry, this is a depressing post. But I'm here to be authentic. And that was me yesterday and this morning, tearful.

But in the cycle of life, sad is not permanent, sad is always in the experience of becoming happy.

9 comments:

  1. I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of little Scraps. It's never easy losing an animal, however short a time they've been with you or however clued up you are to the process of life and death.
    I found it very touching though that this little creature, who has obviously known a lot of pain in her life, left knowing love and trust for other beings. You brought her that. Be proud of that.

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  2. Poor Scraps :-(

    BUT you gave her kindness and love and restored her trust in humans....so she had a good last few days.

    Sad, though, I would have been weeping also.

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  3. I am so very sorry!

    Hugs to you!
    Michelle

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  4. I'm so sorry to read about this. I would say what the others have said, you ministered to a little lost soul and gave her joy in the last few days of her life. What a blessing for Scraps and your family.

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  5. Oh Mon, that's always difficult. I'm sorry you lost your foundling kitty. How wonderful that you were able to show her kindness, compassion and make her tummy full for part of her short life.

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  6. You guys are sweet. It's such a small thing in the big scheme of life and real problems.

    But a life, however small is worth something to me.

    And it's the lack of sleep that's thrown me for a loop, as they say.

    I'm better.

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear this, (I've been away for 24 hours so I only read it now), but I'm glad to read you're feeling a bit better.

    It can be absolutely devastating to lose an animal. It sounds like wee Scraps spent her last days knowing a lot of love and kindness.

    Lack of sleep, and its cumulative force can hit hard. It's a big reason I've been very blue of late. I hope your zzzzzz improve.
    Hugs.

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  8. I'm so sorry Mon. When we first moved in together, my now hubby brought home a tiny little kitten. I had never had a cat because my mom doesn't like cats, so I was thrilled. Kitty had something very wrong and couldn't keep any food down. We had to put little Max to sleep a few days later.

    I remember after my son was born, I felt like something had shifted and my body was not quite the same any more. It was a very qualitative experience: I couldn't describe what it was at all, but something was profoundly different. Probably exacerbated by lack of sleep and hormones.

    Don't worry about "depressing" posts! It's not like there's a rule that all blog posts must be shiny and happy :-)

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  9. Poor Scraps. I'm so sorry to hear of this. But like Compostwoman says, you did the right thing for her, and she went out of this life and into whatever comes next in a more trusting frame of mind, one hopes, and having known that she was loved and valued. As you say, it's the cycle, but I know it doesn't help with the sharp pain of this sort of thing.

    Perhaps you could acquire a rescue cat, assuming there are rescue charities in your area?

    Oh, and the lack of sleep thing? I hear ya.

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